Your Heart on the Line
by Leville
Summary: AU: William returns from war, injured but very much alive, and Daisy feels compelled to tell him her true feelings. Except her true feelings are a lot more complicated than she initially realizes.
1. Prologue: Take All the Courage You Have

**A/N: It's been many, many years since I attempted fan fiction for something other than Harry Potter. Heh. But Daisy and William give me a lot of very intense feelings and I was sad to see that they're not more popular. This is "my" ending for them.**

* * *

**Prologue: Take All the Courage You Have Left **

They said war was Hell.

William Mason, however, now knew that this was an understatement. There was nothing— _nothing_— that could ever be worse than this. Bullets flew through the air and shrapnel and dirt rained down on them. Men were collapsing in every direction; some dead before they hit the ground, others left critically injured, screaming and writhing in pain. They had warned him over and over again about the horrors of death and destruction. No one had mentioned how_ loud _war was. Every deafening blast rang in his ears and seemed to taunt him.

_You are a fool, William Mason. An absolute fool. _The malicious voice he heard sounded suspiciously like Thomas Barrow's.

Another shell exploded from somewhere to the left. William continued to charge forward but veered to the right in order to steer clear from the falling fragmentation. William's heart banged painfully against his ribs. He felt something clank against his helmet and he ran faster. _What was that? Well, it was too close_, _whatever it was_, he told himself. _You've got to be more careful. People are counting on you to come home. There's your dad. You're all he has left in this world. And there's Daisy, too. You promised… _Well, he had promised his father and Daisy a lot of things.

William took a deep breath, stiffened his resolve, and raised his gun and bayonet. He could hear Captain Crawley up ahead calling them forward.

William obeyed the order, even though every nerve in his body was screaming for him to stop or better yet, just turn around and go home. He longed to leave Amiens as quickly as possible and go back to Yorkshire. But since enlisting, he had learned to push himself beyond his limits. He could continue to run even though he lost his breath. He could lift his gun even when his arms ached. It made him stronger, but it wasn't about personal improvement. It was so that he could better serve the cause. Everything was for the greater good. Whatever mistaken expectations he had had about the war, William had _always_ understood that. He got through the pain and fear the way he got through every difficult thing: he thought Daisy and how proud she would be of him. He would have to write her a letter as soon as he had the chance.

Frantically, he scanned the crowd until he saw Captain Crawley stumbling into a trench. William raced forward, skidding into the trench to crouch beside Captain Crawley. "I won't be sorry when this one's over," William shouted instead of taking full advantage of the briefest instant that he had to catch his breath. Captain Crawley nodded fervently. They had been in battles before but this one felt different somehow. They both could feel it.

Their split second of rest ended. William gathered his courage again. He and Captain Crawley stood up, climbed out of the trench, and marched onward.

That's when William saw the bullet speeding towards them.

Captain Crawley, who was looking in the other direction, did not. "Sir!" William bellowed, realizing at once where the bullet was heading. Without really thinking and clenching his teeth, William threw himself forward with the intent to push Captain Crawley back down into the trench. Something sharp struck William, embedding itself deep into his shoulder. The bullet... His knees buckled and his jaw was wrenched apart. He didn't know if he screamed or not. He couldn't hear anything except his erratic heartbeat. Suddenly, his legs refused to carry his weight anymore. He fell forward, crumpling into a heap and knocking Captain Crawley down with him. They tumbled down into the trench.

_God, if I don't make it through this… Please help them to understand… why I had to do it…  
_**  
**William let his thoughts drift off to Downton Abbey, thinking of Daisy. He had no way of knowing that at that very moment, a dreadful chill crawled up her spine. She stopped her dead in her tracks as she worked in the kitchen.

"Daisy, what on Earth's the matter with you?" Mrs. Patmore snapped.

"Someone walked over me grave."

Mrs. Patmore turned away, rolling her eyes. Daisy blinked slowly, wishing she could shake the feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong.


	2. Chapter 1: Alone Among the Wreck

**Chapter One: Alone Among the Wreck **

"SHRIMPIE? YES… IT'S… IT'S-AUNT-VIO-LET!"

Daisy smiled and did her best to smother her giggles into her shoulder as she made her way to the door that led downstairs. She hitched up the buckets she was carrying; hoping that their clanking noise would muffle her. There were few things that were more amusing than the Dowager Countess of Grantham fiddling about with technology, especially the telephone. Daisy knew she shouldn't laugh; she herself had only recently gotten over her fear of electricity. But there was something terribly funny about seeing such a stately lady, who had the ability to make even the biggest, grandest men quake with fear, be absolutely befuddled by something like a telephone. Daisy pushed the door open with her right shoulder, pausing before going down so that she could sneak a peek at Lady Grantham. Daisy's smile slipped when she noticed someone else standing by the telephone: An oddly forlorn Lady Edith.

What was wrong?

Suddenly realizing she had already lingered for too long, Daisy stepped into the stairwell and closed the door behind her. Even as she scurried downstairs she could still hear the Dowager Countess. After (loudly) exchanging brief pleasantries with Marquess of Flintshire, her ladyship asked, "Whom might we know on the board of Leeds General Infirmary?"

What did Old Lady Grantham want to meddle with the hospital in Leeds for? Daisy felt sorry for whoever had upset her. They were certainly in for a bitter loss and probably a hefty dose of humiliation for good measure.

Daisy hurried to put away the buckets and nearly bolted into the kitchen. She was running a bit behind schedule and she was sure she was in for a few insults from Mrs. Patmore. She could almost already hear Mrs. Patmore telling her, _You wouldn't have been late if you hadn't been eavesdropping on her ladyship, you nosy girl._

"Oh, it's lovely to see you, Daisy," Mrs. Patmore said absent mindedly, not looking up from the dough she was flattening with the rolling pin. "I was beginning to think you'd gone on holiday without having the decency of bidding me farewell."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Patmore," Daisy mumbled. She decided it would probably be better if she did not offer up any excuses for her tardiness.

"Don't be sorry," Mrs. Patmore retorted testily. "Go and fetch a pan for me so that we can get started on baking the bread." When Daisy didn't move fast enough for her liking, Mrs. Patmore finally looked up and set the rolling pin down. "C'mon, now. Don't wait for the weeds to grow 'round my tombstone." She gestured with a rag to the cupboard where the pots and pans were kept.

Daisy hurried to do as she was told, scrabbling a bit with the door of the cupboard in the process and grabbed the first thing she could reach. Mrs. Patmore rolled her eyes and after a moment, Daisy realized that she was clutching a pot and not a pan. Feeling her face burn with embarrassment, she finally found a pan and brought it to Mrs. Patmore.

"What's the matter with you lately?" Mrs. Patmore asked, sounding both irritated and concerned. "The last three days it's like half your brain's gone missing. And that's saying something truly terrifying."

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Daisy admitted. She too had noticed that something was off about herself the last couple of days. "I guess it's because I haven't been sleeping well."

"Well, get a move on and maybe try to turn in early tonight."

Daisy nodded and was just about to go back to work when Anna's face appeared in the doorway. "Daisy? His lordship was looking for you."

"What does he want with _me_?" Daisy asked in disbelief. She was surprised that Lord Grantham even knew her name.

Anna raised then lowered a shoulder. She looked anxious. "I don't know. Best not keep him waiting, though. He's up in the library."

"Right. Thank you, Anna," Daisy said, unsure how else to respond. She fumbled to undo her apron and Mrs. Patmore sighed heavily. "I can't get any help in this place, can I?"

Feeling only a little guilty for abandoning Mrs. Patmore, Daisy left the kitchen and went back upstairs. As she finally approached the library, she began to feel nervous. It felt strange to wander around upstairs without her apron and she felt oddly exposed, as though she was parading around half dressed. The rooms seemed too big and too quiet without all the soldiers. Daisy knew that it was after one o'clock and that they were all busy eating and would be back soon. Even so, she had grown accustomed to their presence and boisterous noise. Their absence and the silence they left seemed eerie. And what did Lord Grantham himself want to speak to her for?

Daisy opened the door to the library a jar. "You've sent for me, my lord?" Daisy waited a moment, as if Lord Grantham was going to respond with, "As a matter of fact, I did not. I didn't even know you worked here."

"Ah. Yes, Daisy. Please come in," was his actual answer. Lord Grantham's voice was grave.

Daisy swallowed and walked into the room and Lord Grantham stood up from his desk. She saw that he looked every bit as uneasy as she felt. She avoided his gaze by scanning the room, her eyes flicking from the ping pong table to the piano. Both of them had been moved in the room for the soldiers' entertainment and still felt out of place.

Lord Grantham stared at her for a long moment before he began to speak. "We've had a letter from Captain Crawley this morning. He mentioned that you and William Mason are engaged."

_That _made her look up at him. _Oh no_. That kind of fraternization was typically discouraged among the servants. Was he going to sack her for it? She hastily tried to explain herself. "I'm sorry, m'lord. I—" But before Daisy could tell him that she had no intention of actually marrying William, Lord Grantham held up a hand.

"No, no. That's not what this is about. But before I tell you what I have to say, I want you to know that everything is going to be all right. I don't want you to panic needlessly. Do you understand? You have absolutely nothing to worry about."

Daisy forced herself to nod. She found she could no longer meet his eye and instead watched the piano as if it was going to start playing itself. She clenched her fists to keep her hands from shaking. He said there was nothing to worry about. Yet something was obviously wrong. Finally, he got the words out:

"A few days ago, William was wounded in battle…"

Daisy sucked in a sharp breath and she was suddenly aware of a slight weight pressing on her chest. A buzzing filled her ears, a sound rather like angry bees. She could no longer hear Lord Grantham. She thought of all the soldiers staying at Downton and the little bits of their horror stories that she had overheard from them. Whenever she had thought of William in the war, she had imagined him going on some kind of adventure, somewhere exciting and maybe a little scary but not dangerous. But that was not how it was at all. He had been in real battle. He had seen the same awful things those other soldiers had. And now he was hurt. Poor, sweet, foolish William had gotten himself hurt.

"Daisy? Did you hear what I said?"

"What?" she asked, quite forgetting to add, "My lord." She blinked rapidly and her surroundings slowly came back to her and the buzzing quieted.

"William's going to take a long time to recover," Lord Grantham explained. "And there might be some permanent damage but the doctors are confident that he's going to live."

"He's- he's going to be all right?"

"In all the ways that matter, yes."

Daisy breathed a sigh of relief. "Well… where is he?"

"He's at a hospital in Leeds."

_That's why Old Lady Grantham was looking to harass Leeds General Infirmary_, Daisy realized. "Why didn't they send him here?"

"Technically, Downton's supposed to be for officers. But you needn't worry about that," Lord Grantham continued trying to make his tone as comforting as possible. "If Lady Grantham has her way, he should be home within the next day or two. Lady Edith has already volunteered to nurse him. William was very brave and risked his life for Captain Crawley. And we are all _very_ grateful. I want to assure you that he will be taken care of in the best way possible."

Daisy bit her lip. What was she supposed to do now? "Thank you, my lord. This is incredibly generous of you. We… we really appreciate it."

* * *

"What did his lordship want?" Mrs. Patmore asked as soon as Daisy was back in the kitchen. She toddled over to Daisy's side, wiping her hands on her apron.

"To tell me that William's been hurt," Daisy said flatly as she tied her own apron back on. "It's not fatal," Daisy added quickly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Mrs. Patmore's voice was kinder than Daisy had ever heard it. "What happened?"

"I don't know what happened. His lordship wouldn't give me the exact details. He was going on about war talk being indecent for a young lady's delicate ears. But he's going to be all right. And he's quite the hero now. It seems he saved Captain Crawley's life. They're trying to bring him 'round here even though Downton's only for officers." A lump rose in her throat and her eyes filled with tears.

Mrs. Patmore patted her shoulder. "What's this? What are you crying for? William's coming home from the war and he's going to live. It's wonderful!"

Daisy felt the tears spill over. "No, it's _not_ wonderful," Daisy spat. "He's been through hell and he's hurt bad. He' s lying up in a hospital bed in Leeds thinking that he'll come home to me with a whole wedding planned and a list of names for babies and- and he won't. And it's _my_ fault. William's always been good to me. The_ only_ one who's always been good to me. And how've I repaid him? By hurting him and by lying to him…"

Mrs. Patmore only picked up one word from Daisy's little tirade. "Babies?" She let out a laugh. "For God's sake, you're not even twenty til next month. He's surely not thinking about babies yet. You're still babies yourselves."

Daisy glared at her. "As soon as he's home, I'm telling him the truth."


	3. Chapter 2: Your Heart on the Line

**Chapter Two: And it was Your Heart on the Line **

The Servants' Hall filled with the usual scrapes and squeaks of the chairs as everyone stood up. Mr. Carson walked into the room, and judging by his wide grin, it seemed that he had good news.

"I know many of you have been concerned about William, so I'm sure that you'll be pleased to hear that he has arrived safely from Leeds," Mr. Carson announced before taking his seat at the head of the table.

Everyone in the room let out a sigh of relief and they took to their seats again. Mrs. Hughes murmured, "Oh, thank goodness!" and Mrs. Patmore cheered. Even Miss O'Brien produced a small smile while Thomas muttered something under his breath that sounded like, " 'Bout damn time."

"William was second footmen at Downton before he went to war. He's a bit of a favorite 'round here," Anna explained to the new maid, a willowy, doe-eyed, blonde girl called Johanna Jackson. Johanna had only been hired the previous day and Daisy already liked her better than Ethel. Not that that was saying much, but Johanna seemed bright and vivacious as well as a great deal more humble than Ethel. Her only drawback was that unlike Ethel, Johanna probably wouldn't leave magazines lying around that Daisy could "borrow." "He and Daisy are going to be married," Anna continued, nodding in Daisy's direction.

Johanna turned to Daisy, looking positively thrilled. "You didn't tell me you were engaged! You must be so happy he's come home."

"I'd be happier if he came home in once piece." _And if I didn't have to break his heart. _

"Some don't return home at all," Johanna reminded her.

Mrs. Hughes eyes flashed from Daisy to Johanna, always quick to stop trouble before it started. "You can hardly blame the poor dear for being upset. It's been quite a traumatic time for all of us, especially Daisy. "

Johanna considered a moment, and then nodded, offering Daisy an apologetic smile.

"I have already discussed this with Mrs. Patmore. You may go up to see him after one o'clock," Mrs. Hughes told Daisy, "while the soldiers have their luncheon."

"He's in the bedroom up at the end of the South Gallery," Mr. Carson added, his voice very gentle. Daisy had long grown used to the pitying, if slightly patronizing, tone Mr. Carson often used with her. But this was rather different. He sounded less like he was talking to a child and more like he was speaking with someone very old and weary who might collapse at any moment.

"Thank you," she said softly, not meeting his eye as stood up from the table and followed Mrs. Patmore into the kitchen.

For the next couple of hours, Daisy and Mrs. Patmore worked in relative silence. Mrs. Patmore would bark and order and Daisy would say, "Yes, Mrs. Patmore!" then go on to scrub a pan or chop some vegetables. As the clock ticked nearer and nearer to one o'clock, Daisy began to feel faintly hopeful that she might be spared from another lecture. However, as Daisy began to untie her apron, it seemed as though Mrs. Patmore could no longer restrain herself.

"Daisy," she started.

"No," Daisy whimpered. "Please, Mrs. Patmore."

"I'm not going to try to talk you out of it," Mrs. Patmore said resignedly. "I'm just asking you… please be kind to him about it. He's had a rough time of it and it might take a long time before he's back to his old self. That is… if he ever is."

"I'm not doing it to be unkind," Daisy wailed in an undertone. "Don't you understand that? What am I supposed to do? Marry him? Let him waste his life on someone who doesn't love him back? Don't you think he deserves more than that? I certainly do. "

Mrs. Patmore heaved a heavy sigh and turned away from Daisy. "Well, go on and get on with it. Sooner you go the sooner you can come back and wash the dishes."

Daisy left the kitchen, thinking of what she had to do and trying for the umpteenth time to come up with the least painful way to execute it. Once again, she came up with absolutely nothing helpful. Every scenario she could imagine ended with William utterly crushed and their friendship ruined forever. She shuffled along to the South Gallery. She was about halfway there when she spotted a man with graying hair and a mustache walking down the hallway towards her.

He paused when he saw her. She had nearly walked by him before he finally spoke. "Excuse me," he said, his voice warm. "But you wouldn't happen to be Daisy Robinson would you?"

Daisy stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned to face him. "Yessir, I am."

"I'm Henry Mason. I'm William's father."

"Oh." Not sure how to respond, Daisy held out her hand.

"I daresay I was hoping I might run into you on my way out." Mr. Mason gripped Daisy's hand with both of his own. "I was just seeing him get settled. I am so very glad to finally meet you. You truly are every bit as lovely as William described."

Daisy flushed and looked down at her feet, embarrassed but flattered. "You talk of me as if I'm an English rose."

Mr. Mason squeezed her hand and then released her. "But you are." He smiled. "I won't keep you. I know you must be anxious to see him."

"How is he?"

"He's much, much better than I thought he would be. They're taking first-class care of him. He's in good hands. Now run along. I imagine you haven't been given a much time off to see him. And you mustn't keep him waiting. "

"No," Daisy agreed, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "I mustn't keep him waiting. It- It was nice meeting you, Mr. Mason." She bid William's father farewell, feeling that what she had to do would be that much more difficult now.

* * *

**AN: Yep, I got rid of Jane. I figured if I'm going to (eventually) make Downton a happier place, I might as well do it thoroughly. :) Big, big thanks to those of you have followed, favorited, or reviewed so far. **


	4. Chapter 3: Not Your Fault but Mine

**Chapter Three: But it was Not Your Fault but Mine**

Daisy silently opened the door to the room that William was recuperating in, relieved to see that he was awake. He looked paler than usual, with ghastly cuts on his face and his left arm was bound up in a sling, but he was sitting up. He also already had a visitor; someone was sitting in a chair at his bedside. Captain Crawley.

Daisy hovered awkwardly in the threshold, not wanting to interrupt.

"I don't think my shoulder will ever be the same," William was saying, shifting nervously on his pillows and wincing in pain. "The doctors have said as much. What am I to do if I can't carry the plates into the dining room? Or the guests' luggage?"

"You mustn't worry about that right now," Captain Crawley insisted.

"I can't help but worry."

Daisy could only see the back of Captain Crawley's head, but she felt quite certain that he was smiling. "Well, if you cannot carry the plates or the guests' luggage then I shall buy you a cart to push them on."

William and Captain Crawley both laughed, obviously imagining the looks on Lord and Lady Grantham's faces if William strolled into the dining room, steering their dinner plates on a cart. Even so, their laughter was a rather sad sound.

"I don't care if I have to hire you as my valet... I- I wasn't very keen on having a valet," Captain Crawley confessed. "But," he paused. "It would be expected of me to have one, once Miss Swire and I marry. And I owe you my life, after all. The least I can do is insure your livelihood."

"Me as your valet?" William sounded slightly dazed. "Then we'll be like his lordship and Mr. Bates, won't we, sir?" A small smile turned the corners of his lips. "I don't know how well I'd be able to—"

"You will. I've already discussed it with my mother," Captain Crawley continued. "She'd be very glad to have Daisy in the kitchen, helping out Mrs. Bird. You and Daisy could live in the village once you're married. I want to change the way things are done, so I wouldn't ask either of you to be on call all hours of the night. And when I live at Downton, you could be the butler. That's what you've always wanted, isn't it? Daisy would naturally be the cook, if she fancied it."

Daisy had heard enough. She felt a little better, knowing that William would still be looked after once he recovered. She took comfort in the fact that he would _never_ end up like those men who had come 'round to the Crawleys' kitchen begging for scraps of food. She raised a fist, intending to knock at that door, but she ended up not needing to. William's smile grew wider as he noticed Daisy and caught her eye. "Daisy!"

Captain Crawley turned to flash Daisy a grin before he stood up from the chair. He was also in a sling, but unlike William, he had dark shadows under his eyes as though he had not slept in days. "Ah, there she is. It's the woman of the hour."

"She's the woman of every hour," William corrected, beaming.

"Of course she is." Captain Crawley turned to face Daisy. "It's nice to finally meet you properly. I've heard a great deal about you from William."

Daisy eyed his sling. No one had told her he was injured as well. "What happened, Mist—_Captain _Crawley?"

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about. Just an old blighty. It would have been much worse were it not for William's intervention." He looked from William to back at Daisy. "That's a very brave and selfless young man you have there."

"He _is_ brave and selfless," Daisy agreed. _But I don't "have" him._

"Please. Feel free to sit down." Captain Crawley gestured to his vacated chair.

Daisy remained standing, staring down at William and feeling her stomach clench. Oh, how could she do this to him? She didn't want to hurt him but she didn't want to lie to him, either. Wouldn't lying to him hurt him more in the long run? She wrung her hands, wishing she was still wearing her apron so that she could twist the hem between her fingers. She forced herself to meet his eyes and felt another pang of guilt. Despite all the pain he must have been in, William still managed to look at her as though he'd never been happier. He held out his free hand to her. She hesitated, suddenly feeling sick.

"I suppose this is my cue to leave," said Captain Crawley, noticing Daisy's dithering and wrongly interrupting the reason for it. "I suspect you'll want a moment to yourselves before Lady Edith returns."

As Captain Crawley excused himself, Daisy finally extended her hand, placing her fingers in William's outstretched palm. She felt hot tears prick the corners of her eyes when she heard the door close. She bit her lip, refusing to let the tears spill over. At least not yet.

"It's all worth it if I get to hold your hand," William said.

"Don't be daft," Daisy breathed. She blinked rapidly, desperately trying to ward off the tears that were threatening to overpower her. She finally dropped down into the chair, William still holding tight to her hand.

_Get on with it already. Just tell him._ Instead she asked, "What's an old blighty?"

"It's what we call a wound that will get you time away from the trenches to recover, but won't leave you damaged for life, either. I think _I _broke some bone of his when I tried to push him out of the way. He held out his arm to break his fall and I fell on him and we both went down into one of the trenches." He looked a little embarrassed.

"Still better than the alternative, even if it didn't mean he got a break from the fighting."

William chuckled. "That's what he said."

"What happened to you… isn't an 'old blighty,' is it?"

William inclined his head to the side, a casual, uncertain gesture. After a moment, he smiled ruefully and admitted, "No."

"How bad is it?" Daisy pressed.

William tried again to shrug the question off but soon crumbled under the intensity of Daisy's gaze. "It's not as bad as it could have been," he said quickly. "The doctor mentioned something about it being a 'miracle' the bullet missed my spine. I could have been paralyzed…"

Daisy let out a strangled gasp. "But?"

"But he said something about my scapula," he pronounced the unfamiliar medical word slowly. "Which I take is my shoulder blade. It's been fractured.'" He was so terribly pale, whiter than her ladyship's best sheets. "Most likely resulting in… 'a permanent limitation in the shoulder's range of motion.'"

_Oh God, oh God, oh God._ It was so much worse than Daisy imagined and her resolve wavered._ Maybe I _should _wait until he feels better_. She swallowed hard. It hurt.

"But I'm _not_ in danger of dying," William added firmly. "And I have no intention of doing so."

"We're all very thankful for that," Daisy choked out. She clamped her eyes shut and two traitorous tears escaped from between her eyelashes.

"Those aren't tears of joy," William noted, suddenly alarmed. "Daisy? What is it?"

Daisy shook her head, momentarily unable to find her voice. She took a big gulp of air and scrubbed her face with the back of her free hand. Sniffling, she changed the subject. "I saw your dad on my way up here."

"Did you really? Oh, he must have been thrilled; he's been desperate to meet you for months now. Did you like him?"

She nodded. "Very much. He was ever so kind."

"I wish more than anything you could have met me mum. I just know she'd have loved you," William whispered so quietly Daisy almost didn't hear him. He sighed. "Have you thought anymore about the wedding? I won't be going back out there, so we don't have to wait until the war's over, if you don't want to. I _would_ like to wait 'til my arm's out of this foul thing, but that might be three or four months."

She couldn't put it off any longer. She couldn't let him continue to plan a wedding that was never going to happen. The tears finally overwhelmed her, spilling over her face. She suddenly realized his fingers were still wrapped around hers. She tugged her hand out of his grip.

"Daisy! What's all this for?" William leaned as forward as far as he was able to and reached out to her, flinching when she recoiled. "I'm fine. Everything's going to be all right." When Daisy's only response was to bawl harder, William tried desperately to guess what she was upset about. "Are you worried about my job? Because Captain Crawley—"

"No, that's not it. I—oh, William, I'm so sorry. But I can't. I can't!"

"Can't _what_?"

"I can't marry you." There. The words were out and she couldn't take them back now.

He let his outstretched hand fall limply onto the bed. "What? Why?"

"Please don't ask me that," Daisy begged. Maybe, just maybe, she could spare him that.

"You don't think after everything I've been through, I don't deserve a bit of honesty?"

It was that word. Honesty. She could almost hear him saying, even though that particular conversation had been years ago: "I trust them, they trust me. There are no lies in our house."He had been talking about his parents, but Daisy had once liked to think that she and William shared a similar dynamic. Or at least, she had wanted to. It didn't matter, it was all ruined now.

"Because- because…" She thought of little things to say that might soften the blow. She considered reminding him that she was two years younger than he was; that she wasn't ready to get married yet. But wouldn't telling him things of that sort make him hold onto hope? He needed to let her go. The sooner he did so, the better off he'd be. "Because… You're very dear to me, but I don't feel the same way you do."

Briefly, before the tears blinded her, Daisy saw William staring up at her as though she had just waltzed up to him and informed him that the sky was bright yellow and not blue. A combination of confusion and disbelief lined his face. "What d'you mean?"

"I mean Mrs. Patmore said if you went off to war with a broken heart, you wouldn't come back. And I panicked. I'm ashamed, but I didn't know what else to do." She wiped her eyes and William came back into focus.

"B-but you started it. _You_ kissed _me_ first."

"I know. I know, it's all my fault. You were so sad. I— I just wanted to make you feel better. I just didn't think. I _hated_ seeing you like that."

He covered his face with his free hand. "My God. I've just remembered. I proposed and it was _Mrs. Patmore who accepted for you_. I've gone 'round for more than a year thinking…" His voice died.

"William—"

He carried on as if she hadn't spoken, "I'm sorry you felt bullied into the whole thing. I never meant to push—"

"No, no. You can't blame yourself. It's _me _who's lied to you. You've done nothing wrong."

William lowered his hand and turned his face away from her, choosing instead to study the wall across from his bed intently.

"You'll find someone better," she blurted out. "You're a proper war hero, now and you saved the future Earl of Grantham's life. The girls in the village will be queuing up for you." She waited an agonizingly long minute but he still didn't answer her. "I have to go back downstairs. Mrs. Patmore will be looking for me." Daisy stood up, exercising all her self control not to bolt from the room. At the doorway she said, "I really am sorry for how I've treated you. I'd do anything to take it back."


	5. Chapter 4: Where Was My Fault

** Chapter Four: Where Was My Fault in Loving You with My Whole Heart **

William drummed his fingers against the bedside table, doing anything he could to keep it from getting too quiet. This was the longest he had been left alone since arriving at Downton two days before and he was discovering that silence now pushed painfully on his ears. The soft tapping helped alleviate the pressure.

Finally, the doorknob clicked and William's head snapped up to see who was entering the room. As always, for the briefest instant, he thought it might be _her_. _It's most likely Lady Edith_, he reminded himself. But still, there was a chance that _she_ might come by. He couldn't quite work out if he hoped to see Daisy or dreaded it. Once again, he wondered if he had about ten seconds to figure out which of the two it was.

After a moment of suspense, the door swung open and revealed his visitor. It wasn't Lady Edith. It wasn't Daisy, either. Of course it wasn't. But that didn't mean that the person who stood in the doorway at that moment was unwelcome. On the contrary, William managed to smile properly for the first time in two days.

"Mrs. Hughes!"

"Well, this is rather nice," said Mrs. Hughes, her eyes raking across the room and taking in every elaborate detail, from the gilded framed portrait on the wall to the intricate carvings on the bedposts.

"I've never slept in a room as big as this," William told her as she took a few unsteady steps into the room. Even so, William had seen enough of Downton Abbey to know that this was one of the smaller, less impressive rooms, probably reserved for unfavorable guests.

"They're taking good care of you, I trust?" Mrs. Hughes' voice was slightly hoarse.

"Of course," William assured her. "Lady Edith has been very attentive. Lady Sybil, er, Nurse Crawley that is, comes in once awhile, too."

She cleared her throat. "Staying in here, being waited on by the Earl's daughters, I hope you're not getting spoiled."

William forced a small laugh. "I don't think there's any danger of that, never fear."

"I _am_ sorry I haven't managed to come see you sooner," Mrs. Hughes said fervently, taking a seat in the chair at William's beside.

"No need, Mrs. Hughes," William insisted. "I know that you are very busy, even when circumstances are at their best. I've had lots of company in any case."

"Have you now?"

"Captain Crawley's been in and out of here and Mr. Bates came in to read me some of the paper while I ate breakfast yesterday. Mr. Lynch was here last night, too. He was telling me I should come down and see him when I get up and about. But I don't think I can stand it. Do you know what he's been up to, Mrs. Hughes?"

"I believe he's working with a few of the tenant farmers, raising horses for—" She couldn't finish her sentence when she caught sight of the dark look on William's face.

"For the war," he finished bitterly. "I don't think I could look at them, knowing where they're headed in a few months."

"I don't think that Mr. Lynch likes it any better than you do," Mrs. Hughes reminded him. "It sounds as though he doesn't have much of a choice in the matter."

"I know," William admitted before changing the subject. "I almost forgot." He dropped his voice dramatically, equally curious and confused by the mystery. "Miss O'Brien stopped by for a second not long before you turned up. She stuck her face in the doorway, looked at me for a moment and went on her way. I worried she was plotting something."

"For once, I don't think she was. Believe it or not, even Miss O'Brien and Thomas— Sargent Barrow to us now— are glad that you're able to recover here."

William's jaw nearly dropped. "Goodness, it seems miracles do happen."

"They most certainly do," Mrs. Hughes agreed. "Sargent Barrow was injured in the line of fire, much like yourself. Miss O'Brien has a nephew out there right now, too. Perhaps they're learning some compassion."

"Compassion on their parts _would_ require divine intervention." Mrs. Hughes laughed a little despite herself but William still immediately felt guilty for saying that aloud. "That was unkind of me. Please forgive me."

Mrs. Hughes raised her hand to some extent, but otherwise didn't respond to his apology. She tilted her head to the side, studying him intently. "It's been such a long time," she remarked. "When you left you were just a boy. Now you're all grown up."

"I still feel very much like a boy," William said. "Being out there has a way of making you feel very small."

"Boys aren't offered the position of valet with the promise of being butler one day."

"You've heard?"

She nodded. "That's quite impressive, William. Are you going to take Captain Crawley up on it? Perhaps I should start to practice referring to you as 'Mr. Mason.'"

"I dunno," William mumbled. "I suppose I might try it but I don't know what use I'll be. I can't even look after myself right now, never mind anyone else. I don't want to be someone's charity but I can't imagine who else would hire me." He gestured to his sling.

"If Captain Crawley has offered you a job, it isn't charity. It's because he has seen what a dedicated young man you are and you have proven to be an exceptionally hard worker."

William decided not to counter her statement. He had learned long ago that it was pointless to argue with Mrs. Hughes, especially when she had that "now, we'll have no more of that" look on her face. "Have I reminded you yet that I have no idea how this house would run without you?"

A hand flew to her mouth and for one terrifying moment, William thought she was on the verge of tears. However, once she found her voice, it was quite steady. "Oh, I'm so glad to have you back under this roof; I don't mind saying it."

"Thank you for saying that, Mrs. Hughes." He cast around for a lighter topic to discuss. "How are things around here been? Has Mr. Carson found it easier to accept maids serving in the dining room?"

"He's resigned to it at this point but still doesn't care for it." She pursed her lips. "Other than the officers being here, things haven't changed too much. Well, we've had two new housemaids since the last time you were here. Emma and Johanna."

Knowing that there was no way Anna would have left, William asked, "What happened to Alice and Ethel?"

"Alice's aunt has fallen ill and Alice has gone to help her look after the children. And Ethel's no longer able to work here, never mind the details."

That sounded ominous. He remembered how excited Ethel had been when William had announced that he and Daisy were getting married. She wasn't all that bad, really. He hated to think she had gotten herself into a bad situation. "Shall I pray for her, Mrs. Hughes?" The list of people that needed praying for seemed to grow every day. What was one more?

"That would be very kind of you. You know, I'm surprised that— Mr. Bates didn't tell you all this."

She had almost said Daisy's name, he could sense it. "You know? Does everyone—?"

He appreciated that she didn't try to pretend that she didn't know what he was talking about. "No, I don't believe so. I think she only told Mrs. Patmore. I happened to overhear enough to guess the situation… Are you all right?"

_Do you know what it's like to think you're going to get everything you've ever wanted… only to find out that you're not? _"Not really."

"Are you very angry with Daisy?"

"I wouldn't say angry. No. Just… disappointed, I suppose." To put it lightly. "I keep thinking about things she said and did that seemed strange at the time but now make perfect sense." He wondered if maybe deep down, he had known or at least suspected it all along. He thought of all those times he had leaned in to kiss her and instead ended up hugging her or taking her hand. "I'm afraid I've rather made an idiot out of myself."

"You are many things, William Mason, but an idiot is not one of them." The way she said it reminded him excruciatingly of his mother.

He unexpectedly recalled a conversation he had had with Mrs. Hughes several years before. "You told me once that she was a foolish girl and she didn't deserve me."

"Well, I may have been a bit harsh," Mrs. Hughes admitted. "If she truly was a foolish girl who didn't deserve you, she'd have married you anyway— in an attempt to gain some security or respect."

"Captain Crawley did say that Daisy could be the cook at Downton one day if that's what she wanted."

"You see? Cook for the Earl and wife of the butler? It's unlikely she'll attain a higher position than that. It would have been all too easy for her to use you for her own gain. But she cared more about what's best for you in the long run. Now, her actions weren't executed in the best way, but I think her intentions were admirable. And to be perfectly honest, my lad, I don't think that was a very easy position to be placed in."

"I know. I feel terrible." He shouldn't have told her that he could get through the fight as long as Daisy was his girl. No wonder she felt compelled to lie to him. All his life, his parents had warned him not to love too little or take it for granted. But had he taken it too far? Was it possible that you could love someone too much?

"I want you to remember that you did a brave thing in telling her how you felt," Mrs. Hughes said, distracting William from his thoughts. "And unfortunately, it didn't work out the way you hoped. But one day, it will be different."

"She said I'd meet someone else."

"And she was right."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because, I think it's quite clear that anyone with a heart like yours was certainly meant to share it with someone. Although," she added, her smiling growing. "I still believe you ought to forget about that sort of nonsense for another five years."

William offered her a partial smile in return. He looked out the window, thinking it had to be close to eleven by now. "Major Clarkson will be here in a bit to check on me."

* * *

**A/N: A quick Google search taught me that the British Remount Service would send some of their stallions to farmers' mares in an effort to breed some decent horses for the war, though I couldn't find much info beyond that. So I'm sure there are/will be issues with my depiction of this but you should forgive me and just roll with it because:  
1) This is a fan fic!  
2) This is a fan fic based on a show where a dude was "cured" from paralysis and a guy somehow managed to die in ****_July 1918_**** after suffering injuries from a battle that took place in ****_August 1918._**** :)**

**Thanks to everyone who follows, favorites, or reviews! You're awesome. **


	6. Chapter 5: Live Unbruised We Are Friends

**Chapter Five: Live Unbruised, We Are Friends **

"_William_!"

At the sound of Mrs. Patmore's voice, Daisy nearly dropped the pot she was scrubbing in shock. Biting her lip, she whirled in the direction of the doorway. Sure enough, there he stood. She was pleased to see that his color had greatly improved during the last ten days since she last saw him. However, the prospect of speaking to him... Whatever he wanted to say to her, Daisy felt sure she did not want to hear it.

"What in Heaven's name are you doing down here?" Mrs. Patmore demanded, her tone caught somewhere between concern and disapproval. "You sure you should be up on your feet already?"

"I think you're forgetting I spent almost a week in Leeds before arriving here, Mrs. Patmore," William reminded her. "I saw Major Clarkson yesterday and he says that since I'm up for it, I ought to get fresh air while it's still warm out. I was just about to go and sit outside for a bit. I was wondering if it would be all right if Daisy joined me?" He offered a small, hopeful smile in Daisy's direction (_At least he doesn't look angry_, Daisy thought wildly). "I know she's busy, but maybe you could spare her for just a few minutes?"

Daisy interrupted, "I've got a lot of work to do…" Panic-stricken, Daisy turned to Mrs. Patmore, silently begging for mercy.

Her petition was denied pitilessly. "Go on, get on with ya," Mrs. Patmore ordered, narrowing her eyes and shooting Daisy a warning glance. "Don't be too long, mind you."

Daisy dried her hands before she untied her apron and followed William out of the kitchen and down the hall. _Mrs. Patmore's right_, Daisy told herself. _You're going to sit there and take what he dishes out. You owe him that much. It's not as though he's going to shout at you._ She shuffled forward to open the heavy door for him.

Once outside, they eased down on the rickety wooden bench where William used to clean shoes. They angled their bodies awkwardly away from each other so that they practically had their backs to each other. An air of discomfort hung heavily over them, almost painful. Daisy folded her hands in her lap, her fingers fidgeting as she and William stared into opposite directions. They sat wordlessly for several seconds before William let out a long breath and finally worked up the courage to speak. "I just wanted to say again that I'm sorry."

"I told you I didn't want you to blame yourself," she reminded him. Typical William. Someone betrays him and he's the one who wants to apologize. She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder, but to no avail. He was looking the other way and she couldn't even attempt to read his expression. "William?"

He shifted, turning so that he could look at her, too. "Er, how about if I tell you that I don't blame you for— for what happened? I know it wasn't easy for you." He paused, not quite able to make eye contact and compromised by studying her forehead. "I understand why you did it."

She could tell that he was still berating himself and had only said that to make her feel better. Selfish as it was, she couldn't deny that the suffocating weight of her guilt lifted just a little at his words. But did he mean them? Was he truly not angry with her? Did he really manage not to hate her? Daisy swallowed, wanting desperately to speak but not having any idea what to say.

William dropped his gaze back to the ground. "I hope that we- what I mean is… are we still friends?"

"Only if you can still stomach the sight of me after what I'd done to you."

"Of course I can."

"How?"

He hesitated. "Because I promised you once that we'd always be friends and I'd like to keep that promise. Provided that you still want me to."

She brightened with hope. "I would like you to very much. I'm sorry that I—" _That I couldn't keep my promise. That I can't give you more. That I did this to you._

She heard him laugh a little. "Look at the two of us. Each begging for the other's forgiveness when maybe what we really need to do is forgive ourselves."

She sighed, at last turning to face him properly. "I'll never lie to you again."

He finally catches her eye. The corners of his lips turned upward, but it still wasn't quite a smile. "That's a bold promise."

"I don't care," she declared, her voice rising as she thought about not only the lie she had told him, but dozens of things she had told him years ago. The heartless, thoughtless little things she had said during a time when being too kind to William meant Daisy worrying that Thomas would get The Wrong Idea. Daisy felt her face burn as she recalled when they had all gone to a fair and William had tried to warn her that Thomas wasn't who she thought he was. She had thanked William by telling him to go home if he was going to be such a "spoil sport." Not long after that, he had noticed she was troubled and offered to listen to her. Hadn't she responded with, "Oh, why can't you leave me alone?" She was done treating him badly. "I'll _never_ do anything like that to you again, never, I swear it."

William closed his eyes for a long moment. "Can we please not fret about this anymore?" He finally opened his eyes and blinked rapidly. "How about we… pretend it never happened?"

The notion to "pretend it never happened" seemed too good to be true. Daisy felt that she out to perform some act of penance. "Isn't there anything I could do—?"

"I just want you to be happy."

"But I want you to be happy, too."

"Well, I'm not dead or paralyzed when I easily could have been." His smile grew more genuine. "I get to stay here, where all my friends are and my dad can visit every few days. You know, this is the most I've probably seen him in eight or nine years... I've been offered a very good job. I've plenty to be happy about."

Daisy didn't have the nerve to remind him that having things to be happy about and actually being happy weren't the same thing at all. "How's…?" She pointed to his shoulder.

"Major Clarkson actually said that I'm recovering quite well, actually."

"That's a relief."

They fell again into silence. The only sound that punctuated the air was the dull scraping of William's boot grinding into the ground.

Finally, William found something else to talk about. "Do you know whatever happened to Mr. Lang?"

Daisy hadn't thought of Mr. Lang in many months. She picked through her memory. "I think he found a job at Lady Anstruther's. She lives alone, you know. It sounds nice there. Smaller house. A little easier to manage than Downton."

"I do hope he's doing better. Do you think Mr. Carson might have an address for him? I've been thinking that I'd like to write him."

"I suppose he might. But why?"

"He tried to give me some advice once and I'm afraid I didn't listen to him. Now that I understand what he was trying to say, I'd like to make things right."

Poor, terrified, perpetually shaking Mr. Lang. What a wreck he'd been! Daisy wondered what could drive a man into that sort of state, but she'd never ask.

William seemed to have sensed what was on Daisy's mind. "He tried to tell me what it was like and I brushed him off. But he was right. I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into. It was so much worse than I could have ever imagined."

"I can't imagine it at all."

"Do us both a favor, Daisy. And don't try."

"Could I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." The words burst from Daisy before she could stop herself.

"What about?"

"What made you do it?" Daisy asked, looking up at William's sling. "Lord Grantham fixed it so that Captain Crawley could look after _you_. Not the other way 'round."

He laughed quietly. "I didn't really plan to do it, but now that I think about it, I guess it was for lots of reasons. Captain Crawley's a good man."

"So are you," Daisy told him. _Also a much younger one_.

"But it's more than that, though. All of those men looked to Captain Crawley to lead them. If something happened to him, it would have affected every one of them, as well. That's something that we all learned out there, seeing the bigger picture. I believe he'll do right by Downton one day. He'll be a good an employer, too. I didn't want you—any of you, that is— to have to worry about who the next heir might be. Or what he'd be like to work for."

_I'd never be able to think like that_, Daisy thought. _I'm not brave enough._

"And I think I might have done it for Lady Mary's sake, too," William added, after a moment.

"Lady Mary?" Daisy asked, bewildered. "Don't you mean Miss Swire?"

He shook his head. "Remember when my mother got sick and Lady Mary arranged for me to have some time off to go see her?"

Daisy nodded.

William lowered his voice. "They were surprised when I turned up home. After a lot of pestering on my part, Dad told me after Mum passed that she didn't want me to know she was ill. But somehow, Lady Mary found out… If it hadn't been for her, I'd have never gotten the chance to say goodbye. For that, I'll always be grateful to her."

The revelation that William's mother had planned on dying without seeing her son one last time made Daisy feel devastatingly sad but it also reminded her that the line between right and wrong could be difficult to find. There was always more than one way of looking at things. Mrs. Mason had thought it bad to worry William and distract him from his job. Maybe she even thought it would make things easier for him if he didn't have to carry around the image of her sick and dying... Perhaps William had a point. Maybe what Daisy really needed to do was to forgive herself.

William stood up. "I better get you back to the kitchen before Mrs. Patmore comes out here and beats me about the head with a frying pan."

"She wouldn't do that," said Daisy, standing as well. "Not to you. It's me she'd come after."

William smiled. "I'm not too sure about that. But either way, we ought to go in."

Again, Daisy hurried forward to hold the door open. They didn't speak again until they reached the bottom of the servant's staircase. William had climbed two or three steps before looking down at Daisy. "Thank you for sitting with me," he told her. "I'm glad we had a chance to talk."

"I'm glad, too."

They heard the door upstairs creak and both of them looked up to see Johanna making her way downstairs with linens that needed washing. Daisy eyes roamed over the many steps and remembered just how far away the South Gallery was. She turned back to William. "Are you sure you don't need me to walk you back?"

"No, that's all right," he said in an undertone, stepping back down into the hallway in order to make room for Johanna. "I can manage."

"Good thinking," said Johanna, watching William scramble out of the way. "I keep waiting to drop something and trip."

Daisy giggled as Johanna finally stepped safely off the last stair. "Meet Johanna. The reason I'm no longer the clumsiest one down here."

Johanna beamed up at William. "And you must be the fiancé I've heard so much about."

Oh no. Daisy didn't think that anyone still thought that they were engaged. She hadn't told anyone but Mrs. Patmore, but she thought William must have said something to someone. No one had said anything about it to her for more than a week.

William smiled awkwardly. "Well, actually, Daisy and I were just discussing that, weren't we? We've been thinking we'd better hold off on all that for now… That's not really the type of decision to make when you're worried you might not live to see the week's end. We're still very young, best not to rush these things."

"Yes, best not to," Johanna said slowly, her own smile slipping.

Daisy looked up at him, trying to communicate wordlessly how much she appreciated him making it sound like it was a mutual decision. Something vaguely familiar but indefinable welled up in Daisy. Something that was beyond gratitude, something that made Daisy so desperately glad that she and William had managed to salvage their friendship.

William moved passed her and began to ascend the stairs again. "I've got to go back up now. Lady Edith will worry."

Daisy mouthed the words "Thank you" when Johanna couldn't see and then added out loud, "Go on, then."

Once he was out of ear shot, Johanna winced. "Ooh, Daisy, I'm so sorry. Men. They go off to war without so much as blinking, but marriage on the other hand leaves them scared stiff."

"No, no! It's not like that!" Daisy said quickly. "We're—It's all right," she continued, trying her best not to sound too relieved. "It's for the best."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry updating has been kinda slow lately, but I have a new computer and typing is much easier now. I actually wrote a lot the last couple of weeks. It's just been out of order. I'm hoping to be updating a little more frequently now. Also, I have no classes this week, so more time to write.**


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